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Hi, I’m a witty, hilarious blogpost. Come read me!

July 24, 2011

I don’t know when it first happened.

I think it began with a bus.

“Sorry, I’m out of service!” a single-decker cheerily informed me as it sped past towards the depot.

During its active service it kept a professional, machine-appropriate detached way of communicating: “University via Town Centre”, “Reading”, “254”. But something happens when those lights go out and the last passenger disembarks. The bus becomes like us.

Not so slowly, this phenomenon seemed to spread. Smoothies telling me how healthy they are. Soup admitting that it’s been “known to hang around with Nuts” (yeah, but not with any foodstuffs that know about capitalisation then), adding apologetically, “My pot can get a bit wobbly when hot”.

I think I used to think this was cute, part of a decision made by some brand consultants to help give a particularly twee or indie product a bit of personality. But now it’s so widespread, I’m starting to think that businesses and organisations are making their services and products talk to us so that we get angry with the inanimate objects instead of the flesh-and-blood ones behind them.

I also think that if we’re being subjected to this as consumers then why not extend this to other sectors? The pharmaceutical industry is screaming out for a new way to connect with potential customers.

“Hi, I’m Microgynon and I’ll be trying to prevent you getting pregnant. I’ll be preventing your eggs from maturing, keeping your cervical mucus thick to keep out those pesky sperm and will make sure that your uterine membrane is not a cool place to be for fertilised eggs.”

“Word. I’m Citalopram and I’ll be working to make you less mental. But you gotta help me, right – no more wallowing in your pants, crying and wishing you were dead. We can do it, yeah! Come on now! That’s better!”

Or not. Either way, what’s wrong with the talking thing being restricted to those with the requisite organs and evolutionary experience to be able to speak?

We can keep the objects talking schtick for special occasions though. Like this one that I saw in a bookshop the other day. May I introduce Darren…

Hi, I’m a blog post photo that thinks this photo of Darren is HOTT!

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